Lost
by DarkFlameOfTheMonkey
Summary: Alchemy is a dangerous field, but she has always supported it. No one ever notices the supportive woman who never cries. But the grief is there. Clouding the sky, until not a single star can be seen. It's a sad time for any woman who loves an alchemist...


**A/N: Entire weekends spent listening to songs from the Jekyll and Hyde musical have finally come to Slightly Alternate Universe fanfiction fruition!**

**As you may (or -more likely- not know), I love stage musicals. LOVE THEM.**

**After a Jekyll and Hyde marathon of YouTube videos (**_**'Sympathy, Tenderness'**_** in particular) I had an idea for a SRMTHFG fanfic, involving a love triangle between Chiro, Jinmay and Valina. (Yes...you have my permission to gasp.) I don't think I'll do it, but I've also been inspired by another song.**

'_**Once Upon a Dream' **_**is an enchanting song from the **_**Jekyll and Hyde **_**musical. It's sung by Dr Henry Jekyll's fiancée, about how it's too late for him to get out of the problem he's made (going evil...) and that she regrets it. Or something like that. Go and listen to it if you want this story to be enhanced somewhat. If you happen to stumble upon the shining gem that is Anthony Warlow's rendition of **_**'Once Upon a Dream',**_** it is no severe mistake. Anthony Warlow is my HERO and he's got a phenomenal voice. That version is just from the point of view of Dr Jekyll instead, and it fits quite snugly into this story.**

**Anywho, quite enough of my ranting about stage musicals and Jekyll and Hyde (but there is never enough talk of Anthony Warlow!!). I'll leave you alone to read the story, for which you no doubt came here...**

**I am posting this for the sake of posting and hopefully getting constructive critique. I feel that this particular one-shot is not up to my current standards. I wanted something dark and miserable, but all I got was soppy melodrama.**

**Special thanks to my friend Tettsui for beta-ing and offering advice.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own SRMTHFG.**

Lost

I don't know why I'm so sad.

The thing about misery is that it _hurts_. It sinks to the bottom of my soul, and from there sends tendrils to diffuse throughout. The emotions rise, reach up to the recesses of my mind. And then they tighten.

He told me not to mourn. He made me swear to him. It wasn't what he wanted me to do; someone had to keep hoping. No tears under any circumstances. _I must not_ _cry!_

But how can I not? There is no way, because- when- no way- just-

There is no way I can do what he asks, because I love him too much.

At least he set a good example of this. I don't know how he goes through every day. How can one be consumed by evil, knowing that soon one's _goodness_ will disappear- And yet still happily discuss physics?

Perhaps 'happy' is not the best word. I know he's not happy, I can see it in his eyes. Some days I can hear him muttering to himself, and I cringe. I can hear the worry in his voice. Sometimes I think he is about to collapse where he stands; he sounds so tired on days like that.

The only time I see him smile is when the monkeys are around him. It is always an exhausted smile, but it cheers me to see it. His robot monkeys make him happier. The green one is especially active; I think his name is Otto.

He insists that I learn their names. So far I've memorised Nova, SPRX-77, Antauri and Gibson, but I still have a little trouble with Otto.

And then there's-

* * *

Everyone has dreams. Some are terrible nightmares. Others are so vague I can never remember them once I wake up.

I once had a particularly vivid one. I still remember the faces I saw. There was a tall, thin man with dark brown hair. I recall he had a black cape, and clutched a strange helmet in his hands. His voice was strong, somehow made me feel safer...

"Well, I hate to spoil all the fun, but the city needs me."

Then the monkey whose name I cannot remember jumped and screeched. Red lightning flew around the laboratory, and in the centre of all the mayhem I saw him.

"_What have I unleashed?!"_

Screams pierced the air while I stared at his face, twisted while the red static flashed across his cheekbones-

I started awake, and I knew something had gone dreadfully wrong.

The screams disappeared once I woke up. It was a long time ago.

But I still remember everything.

* * *

At night, when the house is silent and I'm just about to fall asleep, I fool myself into thinking that it never happened. I never had that dream, and he never _changed._

Was it my fault? For conjuring that event into existence with my thoughts? I always have to wrench my mind away from this path of thinking, for I would feel tears begin to sting my eyes and he- And he never wanted _that._

There is a sense of helplessness that blankets my consciousness. He is lost to me, and I am lost to the world. Nights skies are empty, save for the dark grief that no one else sees. My mother and friends see stars in the deep purple sky and they tell me –sometimes even ___beg_- to move on and rebuild my life's plan. I have potential, or so they say. But I can see no twinkling stars, no hope.

Maybe I've alienated everyone. Perhaps that is why the stars ignore me now. They think I don't need them; I am blind to everything except grief. It never deserts me, and the black heavens will always hang above.

In a moment of wistful madness I stretch my arms forward and close them around his imaginary waist. He in turn encircles my shoulders with his thin limbs. I can hear his heartbeat if I press myself against him, and I do, because I want to make the most of it before he crumbles to dust. The grey walls of the room are blank, and the house is...peaceful. At last.

"If I said that I loved you, would that make it better?"

I can feel him breathe as he answers, "I don't know."

Vaguely, my brain registers that the pillowcase feels rough against my cheek. It's all pretend, a game in which I pit myself against both insanity and grief. But I let emotions overrule my brain long ago.

With a sigh filled with remorse, I tighten my grip around his ribs and close my eyes.

For too short a time, we are lost together.

**If you are by some slim chance actually reading this, you may expect some more from me in the coming days/weeks. I'm considering a short series of one-shots, featuring under-appreciated minor characters in SRMTHFG and inspired by songs from stage musicals.**

**Crazy, I know. But possible. If you care to review, go ahead, with a scrap of critique if you can.  
DarkFlameOfTheMonkey**


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